As a new military wife, you’re probably going through an intense amount of grief. Having watched the love of your life get sworn in and say their goodbyes, you’ve probably thought to yourself, “How am I going to survive while they’re at basic training?” However, while you may feel alone right now, you aren’t the only one.
Watching my husband leave so suddenly, I’m also struck by the same grief. Struggling to cope with my own fear and anxiety, I’ve done research to compile a list of five helpful ways to cope during basic training as a military wife. While basic training isn’t easy, it doesn’t have to be isolating. By focusing on these five tips and tricks, basic training can feel a little less suffocating.
Here are five helpful ways to cope during basic training as a military wife
1. Write your emotions out
Whether you’re a newlywed couple or one that’s been together for years, the pain is still the same. From seeing one another every day to only hearing their voice every Sunday, the pain of losing your spouse is immeasurable. That being said, rather than busying yourself right away, the first way to cope with basic training is to have a healthy emotional outlet. While talking to friends and family is a great step, let’s face it, you can’t exactly tell them everything.
As much as you may love and trust them, some emotions are hard to admit out loud. This is why I highly recommend journaling as a way to let your emotions out. It may sound cliché, however, there’s no denying that journaling has its benefits. According to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, expressive writing reduces intrusive and avoidant thoughts about negative events and improves working memory. So, while it may be a pain to spend fifteen minutes writing, if you want to keep your head above water, journaling is a must.
2. Limit your social media consumption
If you’re a new military wife, you’re probably terrified right now. With everything going on in the world, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and anxious, especially for those whose husbands are in a combat position. But this is why it’s wise to limit your social media consumption. Now, does this mean plug your fingers into your ears and remain oblivious to the world around you? Absolutely not. Whether we like it or not, staying informed is crucial for us military wives. Still, just because we need to stay informed doesn’t mean we can’t have healthy boundaries.
The American Psychological Association recommends, “Set the phone’s timer for 15 minutes at the start of checking social media to limit the amount of time engaged in it.” While this may be difficult, if you want to keep your sanity in check during basic training, learning to set social media boundaries is crucial.
3. Build a solid routine
As new military wives, we’re already stressed enough. Navigating a ton of paperwork and uncertainty, a way to cope during basic training is to build a solid routine. At first glance, it feels like the obvious answer, right? Whether it’s on TikTok or Facebook, you’ll always find mental health gurus rave about the importance of building a routine. From waking up early to drinking their ginger shot on time, a solid routine sounds like the obvious answer. That being said, very rarely do we remain consistent enough with our routine. From waking up late to pushing work to the side, learning to be consistent is harder than it looks. Still, just because it’s hard doesn’t mean we should give up.
As Northwestern Medicine said, “A healthy daily routine doesn’t need to be perfect. It should be simple, flexible, and realistic. By starting with small healthy habits, you can build a daily routine that supports energy, focus, and mental health.” So, start small and build your routine from the ground up. You’ll find that baby steps go a long way.
4. Stay connected to your life
As someone whose husband is in basic training, I definitely feel your pain. Going through the different stages of grief, it’s tempting to curl up in a ball and let the days pass you by. However, it’s important not to stop your life just because your spouse has left. While you should be allowed to grieve and experience those intense emotions, be sure not to shut your loved ones out. Whether it’s friends or family, your loved ones are here to support you. Whether this means getting you out of the house or being a shoulder to cry on, don’t underestimate the importance of community.
As licensed clinical and forensic psychologist Samantha Stein, Psy.D., said, “Being a part of a healthy community can help us feel connected to others, as well as feel we’re part of something larger than ourselves.” That being said, not everyone has a community. From estranged parents to flaky friends, it can feel frustrating when the support you yearn for simply isn’t there. This is why I highly encourage you to find Facebook groups for military wives and look into what resources are available.
For instance, on the website, the Military On Source, there are resources for health and wellness coaching, as well as confidential counseling services available. So, for those who don’t have a solid support system, be sure to do your research. It feels isolating now, but your experience doesn’t have to remain this way forever. One step in the right direction may be what keeps you floating during this difficult time.
5. Create a comfort plan
Finally, you may do all these things and still feel heartbroken. From journaling your thoughts to limiting your social media consumption, there are going to be days when nothing fills the void. Yet, this is exactly why it’s important to create a comfort plan. Sitting down and grabbing a notebook, write down all the things that make you feel happy or safe (outside of your spouse). From your favorite movies to your go-to face mask, write down a list and create a comfort plan afterwards.
For me, this comfort plan might include takeout, cuddling with our cat, and watching Harry Potter. For others, it may include going out with your friends or reading a nice book on the sofa. However, whatever this plan is, be sure to do it at least once a week. As a faculty member at the University of Utah School of Medicine, Sam Goldstein, Ph.D., said, “Small moments of joy can have a lasting impact on happiness.” So, while you may not feel like doing it now, engaging in these small acts matters more than you think.
Credits for cover image: G-Stock Studio | Shutterstock